It Matters
by TeaPotts
Summary: A sort of continuation of "The Locker Room". Danny's and Becker's personalities clash and they end up fighting and almost falling out of love.


It'd been quite a number of months since Danny and Becker became a thing. Or at least, everybody thought they were a thing. Sometimes it was hard to tell. There'd been a lot more contact between the two when they'd first started out, and Connor had witnessed a bit more than he would have liked to in the locker room on more than one occasion. Things seemed different between them now, and everybody could see that, but nobody dared bring it up. They'd never even announced themselves official, so to be fair, it really was none of their business. Of course, that never stopped Abby from prying.

"It's none of your business, Abigail."

Becker excused her the moment she tried to bring it up, and was quick to kick her out of his office when she refused to drop the subject.

Danny, on the other hand, was much more open to the young woman. She was very much like a younger sister to him, he couldn't keep anything from her for long.

"Yeah…I think we are…still a thing." Danny slumped against the wall of the gym and shrugged his shoulders. He was attempting his usual goofy grin, but Abby could see it wasn't nearly as genuine as he'd liked it to appear.

"If he's done anything to you —" She started, reaching her hand out to put on his shoulder. "I'll put him straight, you know I can and I will."

"Was that pun intended?" Danny asked, arching his brow at her and letting out a chuckle.

Abby rolled her eyes, "I'm serious, Danny."

"I know you are," he smiled softly, dropping his façade.

He shuffled his feet around and hung his head to watch them, the entire time contemplating whether or not he should tell Abby about the recent fights and the many nights spent alone in his flat, having been kicked out of Becker's on all those occasions. He sighed and raised his head again, meeting her eyes.

"Did you know, for a man who loses his temper quite a bit, Becker's quite good at fighting without saying a word? I still don't know what to say or do when he does that to me…I simply pack a bag and leave his flat…what else can I do?"

Abby's face took on an entirely different look at his words. It completely softened and her eyes filled with sympathy and understanding. It wasn't long before he could see a rage flickering behind them though. He knew very well she'd had one too many horrible relationships, and if she could, she would make sure nobody else in this building got hurt like she did. He almost regretted telling her now, because if she let it get her angry without understanding, she would wrongfully take it out on Becker, which was the last thing Danny wanted.

"Sweetheart, don't…it's fine. He's not done anything to me… he's just a hard man to love. I don't think he's used to being loved. It's difficult for him to work out his feelings…so often, he lashes out instead and we get into fights…we always make up as best as we can…it's just a bit rough this time around…"

Danny's last words carried a hurt with them that Abby could immediately identify with, no matter how much he tried to cover it up.

"He's hurt you, Danny. How can I let him get away with that?"

"There's nothing you can do. It's something we have to work out on our own, Abigail."

The use of her full name made her clench her jaw. Danny hardly ever used her first name, it was more of Becker's thing to do, and he mostly did it to annoy her when he didn't want to speak to her. When Danny used it, it was serious and she knew it'd be better to drop the subject.

"Listen, I'm talking to him tonight. I'm going to try to figure things out. Don't worry about me, alright? We'll be fine. We'll work through this. He's gotta let those walls fall down eventually, and if I have to knock every single one down by myself this time, I will."

—-

"I just don't know what this is, any more! What is this, Hilary? What are we?"

It'd started off as a conversation, but with Becker, things could easily escalate to a yelling match. Danny was hurt, he wanted answers, and if he had to compete with Becker and scream in his face, he wasn't against it this time. He wasn't going to let the man give his stupid glare and just walk out like he usually did, he wasn't going to wait for days for the complete idiot to give an apology and pretend nothing had happened. Not this time.

Becker was taken back by the outburst, but he didn't let it show. He remained where he stood, arms crossed and stone face set. The only indication that he was surprised by Danny was the shock that had crossed his eyes but quickly covered. Danny saw it though, Danny saw everything. Every little thing about Becker was etched into his mind. He couldn't miss a thing, not even in the heat of an argument.

"Don't just stand there and look at me like that! I want my answers!" He took a step closer to the soldier and he stared right back at him, eyes wild and raw emotion filling every crevice of his face.

Becker's lower lip trembled, as though he was getting ready to open his mouth to answer but couldn't quite figure out how to function it. Finally his lips parted and dryly he spoke, "I thought we were in love…"

Danny pulled away from him just slightly, his face contorting at the word 'love'. Becker didn't use it as often as he wished he did, it threw him off to hear the word used now. "Are we?" He asked, forcing back tears that he didn't even realize had been threatening to fall for awhile.

He didn't answer. He just stood there, looking into Danny's eyes, keeping his face straight despite it's sudden wish to soften and give comfort to the other man. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know how to answer. He wasn't sure. His emotions didn't make any sense to him.

"I hate when you do this! When you just look at me like that! What does that even mean?"

Becker couldn't handle the pressure being put on him now and he resorted to lashing out and yelling the first thing that came to mind, his arms uncrossing and flying into the air as he did, "Why does it matter? Why does any of this matter?"

Danny stumbled backwards a few steps and he stared at Becker, completely awestruck by the words. Why did it matter? Why did it matter that the man he called his boyfriend didn't feel like his boyfriend? Why did it matter that he didn't feel loved? Why did it matter that he was so lost and confused and all he wanted was for Becker to care for him the way he'd promised all those months ago? How could it not matter? That was the importance of a relationship, was it not?

He let a few of his tears fall as he straightened out and his eyes met Becker's again. He wondered if he really meant it, it was so hard to tell with the way Becker forced back every emotion but anger in his eyes.

"When we don't talk? When we don't touch? That stuff matters to me, Hilary. It doesn't even feel like we're in love! And yes, that matters to me! That—that's the main point of being in a relationship! Being in love! I—I don't even know what to say…" Danny let the desperation he was feeling leak into his every word, "I don't know what to do…I don't know if it even matters to you…if I matter to you…and that hurts."

Becker could feel his hands starting to shake and he immediately balled them into fists. He wasn't going to let himself get emotional. He wasn't going to let himself be the weak one. Not in front of Danny. And why not? Why not in front of Danny? Because…he'd promised he would be the strong one. But hadn't he also promised that he would always be there and take care of him?

He was suddenly starting to realize how things had all gone wrong. And it was his fault. He didn't know how to say that though, he didn't know how to fix things. He hadn't even meant to yell at Danny. He'd never meant to yell at Danny. Not today, not last week or the week before…never. If he just wasn't so stuck on hiding all his emotions…he should have realized the day he kissed Danny in the locker room that emotions weren't what made you weak and he didn't have to force them back. Especially not in front of him of all people.

He tuned himself back into Danny' words, hearing the man holding back shuddering sobs.

"It matters to me that you don't want to hold my hand, that you don't ever want to talk to me about what is bothering you, that you don't sneak in kisses the way you used to…how can I make you see that? How can I make you see that it matters to me? Me, Becker…it matters to ME! Does that mean anything to you at all? Do I mean anything to you at all?"

When all Becker could do was stand there and look at him, Danny didn't even bother to try to see that his stance had changed and that his face had finally softened, he was too blinded by his hurt to see it. To him it just felt like Becker obviously not caring. If the idiot couldn't speak to him, couldn't tell him that it mattered - that HE mattered - then maybe it really was over between them. He turned away, ready to walk out the door as he always did, but maybe this time would be for good. Then he felt a hand clasp around his wrist and pull him back; not violently, but very tenderly, as tenderly as the military captain could manage.

"Of course you matter to me, Daniel. Don't you ever think for a second that you don't!"

Then Danny felt his free hand on his cheek, wiping away the tears he'd let fall.

"I'm sorry." Becker looked straight into Danny's eyes, and for once, he made sure every barrier was dropped so he could see how much he meant it. "I never meant to hurt you like this. I have only ever wanted to protect you. I'm an idiot though, and I went about it in all the wrong ways, I didn't realize how far away I was pushing you…and I am so sorry."

Danny reached a hand up to touch the one that rested on his cheek, then he slowly let a genuine grin cross his face as he took the hand in his and held it. "You really are a bloody imbecile. Thank God you can see it too."

The corners of Becker's mouth twitched, unsure if he should let Danny get away with insulting him so, then he let out a chuckle and shook his head. "I thought we were having a moment, of course you'd go on and ruin it."

"My bad. Go on, Soldier Boy, tell me you love me and promise me you'll never do this to me again."

He was smirking, but his eyes told Becker how much he meant it and he knew very well that was exactly what he wanted - no, what he needed - to hear, and he would damn well make sure he never let this happen again. Seeing Danny in all that pain was too much for him to ever endure again. He slipped his hand out of Danny's and moved it to Danny's face again, gently caressing his cheek. "I love you far too much to ever let this happen again," he paused to allow a smile to cross his face, then he winked and added, "Danny Boy."

Danny cracked a smile, by far the biggest he'd had on his face in weeks. He knew for sure now that their ongoing fights were at an end. Not only had Becker returned his 'Soldier Boy' with 'Danny Boy' as they always did, but he'd freely used the word love. And with that in mind, it wasn't long before he was wrapping his arms around his soldier's neck and pulling him in for a kiss.


End file.
